So much has been said about fears already and still not enough. They keep effecting us, keep paralysing us and stopping us in our tracks.
I remember attending a personal development seminar and listening to the topic on how to overcome fears I had one thought in mind: ‘I have no fears’. I simply could not understand what they meant by ‘fears’.
What kind of fears?
Yes, I’m scared of being alone at home at night or being next to a barking dog. I am also scared of cockroaches. Obviously that was not what the speaker was talking about…
Fear of not being enough, fear of being seen, fear of not being loved…
Recently I had a lightbulb moment! 30 years of my life I lived without realising that my major decisions in life were influenced by those fears constantly operating in my subconscious mind (before I had no idea what subconscious mind even meant).
It is often hard to identify what fears we have and draw a parallel with our behaviours and life situations. Instead of digging deep to the root of the problem we tend to cover up with saying I just don’t like it, I am not good at it, that’s not my thing, that’s just me, I don’t know why.
Same happens in sales. We have seen so many clients saying:
I am just not good at sales
I hate selling
I wish someone did the selling for me
I feel uncomfortable charging for what I do…
The list goes on…
But is that really true? Or is it a justifiable veil of stories covering up layers of fears, doubts and insecurities?
Sales is an interesting phenomenon as it triggers really deep-rooted fears in us.
Sales are nothing like being chased by a tiger.
Attachment Theory suggests that we’re wired to seek love and acceptance.
The primary fears: not being liked, not being enough, not being accepted, fear of looking bad, foolish or incompetent … The list goes on.
In a close intimacy of a sales conversation there are so many variables. Two or more different worlds interact when people engage in conversation: their personality types, their current states, internal dialogues, their beliefs, values, needs, background, upbringing. So many possibilities of rejection, misunderstanding, not being accepted!
So what happens to us? Our amygdala gets activated and sends the signal: “danger, run”! We get into the fight or flight response, or more often – freeze. The body freezes, the heart rate increases, and stress hormones enter into the blood. The amygdala is a brain’s alarm system. Without it, humans would not have survived throughout history.
However, we are not being chased by a tiger… just speaking to a potential customer about our product or service.
So instead of looking at scary possibilities of being rejected, we invite you to look at the bright side. Each sales conversation gives us an opportunity for a beautiful connection with another human being, the possibility of building trust and long-term relationship with a stranger, to be present with our fears and a chance to process them and move through them.
Anyone can be great at sales in their own style simply because we are born with the ability to relate to another human. Emotional intelligence skills, presentation, negotiation and social skills anyone can learn. The differentiating factor is simply a mindset and skillset.
How do I know? You are hearing from a girl who, before getting into the sales profession, was petrified of asking a simple question to a check-out girl at the Shopping Centre. I was sweating like crazy on the first day as a sales rep and forgot my own name speaking to my first customer! Only through adjusting my mindset, learning sales skills and fierce repetition, I got to break the country’s record in sales, got to speak on international stages and personally coached over 600 sales reps.
Sales are like bungy jumping.
Sometimes sales remind me of bungy jumping. You just need to dive in with all you’ve got – all of your trust, surrender, vulnerability, and fears. And make sure that your gear is prepared – your ankle harnesses, body harness, rope, cords are fitted in place. It also doesn’t matter how many times you’ve jumped, you will still get butterflies. But it surely gets easier.
Lastly, don’t try to do it alone. You need someone else to look after your rope and your ascend. Work with experts who love sales, who are successful in this field. Every successful person has or had a mentor in their career. Get a mentor to get better faster, and achieve what you set out for yourself in the most efficient and smart way.
Originally published on Medium.
Ksenia Demidova is a co-Founder of Fall in Love with Sales, groundbreaking sales philosophy which methods increases emotional and mental awareness around limitations that people run in negotiations, sales and presentations together with proven strategies and sales techniques on top of that foundation.
Sales and Business Development Coach.
With over 10 years of experience in the sales industry, Ksenia has had an opportunity to coach over 600 sales reps, increase her clients’ revenue by over 45 million and speak at national and international conferences.